...the clouds ye so much dread...

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

-William Cowper

Today was a long day.  We got up at a normal time, I ran to work, picked up the children, spent the morning doing laundry and packed a few things in the car for our trip to IA city.  Dena Keller graciously offered to take care of the children I babysit and David III (Ian's brother) took off work to drive us to our appointment and sit in and listen as an extra ear.

The appointment was at 2 o'clock and went pretty smoothly.  The doctor we spoke with did a rather thorough examination, listened to our story and asked a lot of questions about symptoms.  He ordered some lab work and another EMG (Ian had one yesterday at Methodist) as well as a muscle biopsy.  The EMG is a series of tests done on the nerves and muscles with short electric shocks and needles to test for different reactions and responses.  This is not exactly a pain free test!

At this point we're waiting for a call letting us know when our next appointment will be.  They are trying to find a day where they can schedule the EMG as well as the muscle biopsy for the same day to save us having to run several times back and forth to IA city, a two hour drive.

Today at one point while Ian was getting a particular test done, I found myself in the hall waiting and thumping my head against the wall wondering how I, Ruth Strickler - gone Bennett, found myself in this situation.  Who am I and how did I get here?  What is God's plan for all of this?  Is it possible that we can really serve God out of this very broken feeling?  What does it mean to be a Christian in this situation?  How do I allow these particular circumstances to purify my heart?   It's interesting the sometimes dumb, and sometimes serious questions we ask ourselves during a difficult time in life and it feels like I've been dealing with an overdose of them.  It's unsettling to watch the fairy-tale, cloud castles of the mind's imagined future, being blown away with just a slight puff of God's wind.  Someone recently advised us not to look too far into the future but to really live today to it's fullest.  This idea is slowly settling into my over active mind and I'm learning to not allow myself to run away with the winds of worry and confusion that are not of God.  In the mean time we're allowing ourselves to ask why, to cry, to take one moment at a time and to really learn to be content with where God has us even in the times of waiting with the certainty of an unknown future.

Through the haze and uncertainty of the past few days there is one thing that has been very clear.  "...The clouds ye so much dread / Are big with mercy and shall break / In blessings on your head."  God's grace has been poured out on our lives in ways that are hard to explain tangibly but are oh so evident emotionally.  The cloud does not seem so dark or the future so bleak because of this grace.  We want to thank you all for your prayers and support.  I know that God is moving on our behalf and bringing strength when we need it the most and grace when we're feeling the weakest.