Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Not much


We left the house this morning around 9:15 and headed north towards Rochester MN.  God blessed us with safety travelling despite the fact that I felt sleepy most of the way.  We were also blessed with friends who offered their van so that we could bring all of our trappings along and Ian could also stretch out and find some level of comfort along the way.

The doctor saw us and after hearing our story, doing a physical, and looking through our stacks of paperwork, sent us home for the night.  In the morning we’re lined up to have yet another EMG, yeah, one of those, and then we’ll see the doctor again.  The Hoovers have been so sweet and made us feel comfortable in their home.  Ian is currently sacked out on their lounge chair, trying to relax a bit.

On other news, the test results came back from the blood work that was sent to Boston the beginning of October.  They came back negative for myotonic dystrophy so we have yet one more thing we can check off the ‘negative’ list.

Friday, October 25, 2013

And off to Mayo we go



Wednesday I found myself reading a text message from Ian, 

“Mayo appointment Oct 29 at 2:15… :)”  

 This is something we’d been hoping and praying for now for quite some time.  I was both excited as well as scared.  The doctors at Iowa City are struggling to know what Ian’s illness is called. We thought it was mitochondrial myopathy but then they decided that the muscle biopsy was not definitive enough for this type of diagnosis.  Another test they took was for myotonic dystrophy.  The results won’t be back for a while they said.

In the mean time, after waiting sometimes for weeks to hear from the doctors to know what to do next, we were encouraged to look into possibly going to Mayo.  There is a Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN about four hours from our house.  The doctor at Iowa City was willing to refer us.  They set up an appointment for December the 12th and said we could call twice a week between now and then to see if there were any cancellations.  The first time Ian called they told us they had an opening for the very next week.  They told us to plan to be there for five to seven business days.  I’m not quite sure what to expect since every other doctor visit we’ve been to in the past has always resulted in them not being able to find anything.  Maybe we’ll still be there next year? Maybe we should look for a house near by to live in?  Maybe rent is cheaper in Rochester?  I doubt it.  But sometimes I think about it.   

Once again I’m awed by the support coming from the Body of Christ.  Within just a few hours of finding out that we needed to go to Mayo, someone gifted us with a nights stay at a hotel and through several other connections we now have a place to stay that is quite near the Clinic.  We feel blessed by such generosity and we continue to feel God’s presence very close despite living in our broken world.

Thank you for your continued love, support and prayers.  Next week looks overwhelming to me but I know that with God's grace, we'll find His face in the midst of the week of challenges.

“Excuse me Ma’am, could I see your license…”


It was so nice to have my friend Kaylan here for a visit a few weeks back.  She, like so many others have been good about coming to visit us when we don’t have the option to travel as much as we wish we could. 

We were standing in the kitchen at work.  I was slicing fruit for the day.  Our conversation was all about her life and my life and family and friends we know.  I told Kaylan that even though life has been rough, God has been very present in our struggle.  As I cut the cantalope in half and cleaned out the seeds with a spoon Kaylan asked me, “How?  Do you have an example?”

I sliced the melon in quarters and found myself tearing up. 
“Yeah, the other day it was early in the morning.  I went and picked up Orlando, (the little boy that Ian babysits) and when I got home I was rushing around trying to get things lined up for Ian for the day.  He wasn’t feeling well at all so I dished up food onto plates for them and stored them in the fridge for lunch.  It was shaping in to a no good morning really fast.  Should I ask Dena to take care of Orlando?  (She’s been so good about helping us when we’ve needed it.)  Why do I have to rush off to work and leave my sick husband at home every day?  Why does my world look this way?  God didn’t create me to be living this life.  At least not in His perfect plan.

Just before I left for work for the day I sat in the drive and sent a text to several friends asking them to pray for me just to survive the day.  I’d been crying all morning and life felt like more than I could take.  When was my heart going to physically break in half from the pain?  I was just imagining trying to make food for people’s lunches with tears dripping into the soup and all over the sandwiches.  Not great.  But that’s how I felt.

As I left the drive, I glanced down at the clock and realized I was going to be just a bit late for work, if I didn’t hurry.  More thoughts coursed through my head as I drove and I wasn’t paying much attention to anything.
What does it mean to live in this state of brokenness?  What is God trying to teach us on a day-by-day basis?  How can I try harder to pursue God’s heart in knowing how to live?  Even for this moment?
 The pile of tissues grew on the seat next to me. 
And really, what do we do next?  Where do we go?  Who do we talk to?  How many more doctor’s visits should we seek out?  When God looks at my heart, what does He see?  Does He see a heart that is desperate only for physical healing for Ian?  Or can I hold my desires with an open hand realizing that clutching them tightly to myself will do no good anyway?
Just then I looked up in my rear view mirror and saw a white car pull around the vehicle following me and swing in behind me.  I put on the brakes right away.  I knew immediately it was a policeman.  Even more than that I knew that I’d let the way I was feeling take over my ability to drive wisely.  I’ve been pulled over before and I know that feeling of blood pounding in my ears, the sting of knowing I deserved what was coming, or in some cases wondering why I’d been stopped but being pretty sure I was at fault.  The rush of adrenaline that goes with it all.  Surprisingly as the police officer walked up to my window I felt none of that.  Just an odd feeling of calmness that didn’t seem to match with anything I’d been going through.

I don’t know what the police officer saw when he looked in my window.  I’d composed myself well enough that there were no tears running down my face and I was searching in my wallet for my license.  The $100 or so I was about to pay to the Dallas County coiffeurs for driving over 55mph, didn’t seem to matter for some reason.  Maybe the weight of perspective was still vivid enough in my mind to keep me composed.
Even as I told Kaylan the story tears ran down my face.  God was so real in that moment it almost took my breath away.  I don’t know if that officer ever realized that I thought he was an angel.  Maybe he was and maybe he knew it but he felt to me like one of those pink slips from heaven that we so often want God to send us.  I deserved a fine.  I needed to be reminded to drive safely and cautiously.  All of this I knew.

“Well ma’am I’m just here to give you a verbal warning…” I could hardly believe my ears.

Why the officer decided I only needed a warning?  I have no idea but to me he was a very tangible picture of God reaching down into my life at that moment.  “Ruth, let Me show you ME, right now.  In the midst of what feels like a difficult morning, in the midst of your pain, in the midst of your questions, let Me stop you.  Let Me literally pull you over, and show you mercy.”

My heart stands in awe of a God who takes such a personal interest in my life and a God who holds true to His promises.

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…”   -Psalm 23